Starting from Scratch

Given my past experiences, I have to learn several things from scratch once more after I got into a relationship. They mainly are trust and love. I have stopped trusting people for so long now, I forgot how to do it. I have shied away from love for so long, I don't know how to show affection to anyone and neither am I comfortable accepting the fact that there is someone who cares about me enough to be concerned about my well-being and happiness. I know I have to try harder, but somehow, I seem to need the time we don't have. But after all that has been said and done, I will still give my all, do my best and hope that it is enough for him...



Time: 2115
Date: 06/12/2010

Update

God, it has been such a long time since I updated my blog, hahahahaha. Hm... I've been busy with school I guess. I just completed my BST last week, and boy, wasn't that fun! Got a little bruised up, but hey, all in the name of fun HEHE. Life's been treating me better now than before. Not as smooth as I would like it to be I guess, but definitely not as bumpy as before. Hell, I think that I may even be happy now, LOL. I wonder what is it that I feel whenever I see him. I don't know what it is, but I like feeling like that. I have never met someone like him, he changed my opinion on certain things I guess... but whatever it is, I am just going to enjoy the moment. I am not going to think of the future, not when I can barely catch up with the present lol :)


Time: 1030
Date: 10/11/2010

Random :)

Hm... I am so happy recently, but then again, I'm a little depressed when I think that I am going to be separated from the reason(s) why I am happy when I go sailing. But then again, sailing is what I have always wanted, so it's not going to be so bad after all. At least I know my last six months ashore will not be boring. Three weeks filled with laughter and joy... that is a whole lot more than I expected when I first went for the interview. But then again, it could be due to the fact that I am actually very happy and relieved that I managed to get a spot in the TNTA program. But hell, who cares anyway as long as I am happy XD



Time: 0915
Date: 16/10/2010

Happy

I had no idea that I could be this happy on shore... god, I think I might love my class, they are so god damn nice! Ah... might be a little too early to say though, but so far, everything has been smooth sailing, and there are talks of having a chalet in December, near the Christmas period. Hope that is true, I kinda want to have one event with them before we all go our separate ways :)






Time: 0740
Date: 09/10/2010

Got Everything

I got everything I wanted, which is damn great, but the thing is, there is this guy in class who somehow reminds me of Banana, so I called him Mini Me. Mini Me is like a smaller, shorter version of Banana, with the wrong skin tone, etc. But somehow, just somehow, there is just something about him that reminds me very strongly of Banana, so much so that I have a little trouble talking to him normally. But then again, I did talk to him, not like I ignored the guy when he was talking to me, hahahaha. Well, it's been like, almost seven months now? It should be coming to an end soon right? So why is the feeling still as strong despite not seeing him for more than a month now? Damn it... this is getting way out of hand -.-



Time; 2100
Date: 28/09/2010

At last XD

Finally, for the first time in months, I feel light enough to actually smile genuinely. After everything that has happened, getting the company truly made everything alright once more, at least for now. Thank god, seriously, because without this, I have no idea what I was going to do, or how I am going to deal. Now I'll be too busy to focus on anything but the TNTA, so it is so much better. It gives me time, so that in the future when I look back at the issue, it won't throw me off my feet like it used to...


Thank god :)


Time: 0050
Date: 22/09/2010

Interview

I have an interview coming up, and I am as nervous as hell. I want the TNTA Program thngy so bad, it seems that it is all I can think about. But then again, if I don't think about that, I will think about things I don't want to think about. As it is, whenever I close my eyes, I see something I don't want to see... god knows how hard it is for me to go to sleep nowadays. Okay, for now I shall focus on the TNTA, it is all I have got for now (which is rather pathetic, actually).



Time: 0120
Date: 15/09/2010