Hm it is the start to the year 2010, so why does it have to be such a melancholy beginning? Everyone is celebrating, I am sitting here in the dark wondering why 2009 had ended so badly for me. He contacted me once more, my *dear* relative. He thinks I am the same girl he once left. Didn't he know, how hard I had to try to turn my back against everything? I worked damn hard, fought my feelings for damn long, to get to where I am now, the uncaring figure. I would rather be seen as the girl who turned her back than the girl who waited for something that will never happen. Does he know how it feels like, to harbor so much hope till I became jaded? Does he know how it feels like to feel so much anger, all I have got left at the end is limitless fatigue? I stopped being a girl because he left, and just because he came back does not mean I am going to be the same girl I once was. Fatin was far too naive to survive much. She held onto her pain and anger for far too long, and far too tightly. Shida is more sensitive towards people, the one who cares about others more than she does about herself. I prefer Shida. Fatin was a baby deep down, still needing her family to be by her side to support her through everything. Shida will be stronger. And though I do not make new year resolutions, I vow that I will always do my best to remain as Shida, the one who does not care. I have trusted in the past, cared for my family in the past, and tried to reach out to people. All three have ended in bitter betrayal, one that I would never forget. So, the start of this year may not be good, but as usual it won't stop me. I'll look back, and feel nothing...

My family cannot and will not hurt me any more. Nobody else will...

Time: 0210
Date: 01/01/2010