Desperate

Right now, I will seriously consider ANY way to get banana out of my mind, even for the shortest moment. I want him to return my mind and feelings back to me. HE IS A FREAKING TERRORIST! Where can I get help with these kinda terrorism? Haiz....






Time: 2230
Date: 31/08/2010

In Pain

God help me, it hurts so much that I cannot even cry. I saw him again, but time just was not on my side this time. Please, someone help me... I can no longer bear the pain... it hurts more than I thought it would, and seeing him again merely made it worse for some strange reason. I was almost resigned to the fact that I can never see him again, but I saw him one more time and it hurts all over again... T.T



Time: 0100
Date: 20/08/2010

Misery

The misery is still there, and nothing I do can ease the pain. But, at least I am able to pretend that everything is alright in front of everyone else. At least I can laugh and joke with my family, and make them laugh like I always do. Sometimes, just sometimes, pretending to be something else is not so bad after all. At least nobody will think that something wrong. Nobody reads my blog anyway, so I am safe here. God help me, I don't think I can pull through on my strength/ stubornness alone this time. Gosh, why is it that I can solve everybody else's problems but my own? Why is it that I can make all the major problems look like nothing, but my own small problems trip me up like this... gosh...

Time: 0120
Date: 11/08/2010

Considering

I actually considered doing it again just now, in the morning before I took the shower. Previously it was last night, when I bought bubble tea. Damn it, if I did it for the fourth time and I succeeded, I won't be able to go sailing. That was the only thing that stopped me from raiding the cabinet again once everybody is in their respective rooms. God help me, I think I seriously need help this time. I am this close to giving in to the temptation once more, and I am not sure that I am able to gather enough strength and will power to actually push the temptation away, since sailing is the only reason I am doing anything right now. God, if something happened to take sailing away... I don't even want to think about that. Not right now, not when I feel like I have lost everything else in my life. Nope, I shall not think of that...

Time: 2305
Date: 04/08/2010

Mind Made Up

I have decided that despite the fact that I am in a lot of pain right now, I am still going to keep smiling. It is the least I deserve to do, the least I could do for those who actually wonder why I am down. It's bad enough that I cannot function without thinking about the matter/ person. I absolutely refuse to stay down. After all, I am known for my ability to bounce back almost the moment I feel down. I just hope that it does not take me twice as long to get over as my first crush (one and a half years) because the first time, it was only half this intense... anyway, I am still going to smile through it all, just watch me....


Time: 0020
Date: 03/08/2010