Damage control (for the umpteenth time!!!!)

No thanks to my fickle classmates, the sailing trip to Hong Kong was almost cancelled to all DMTM students (me included!!). Thankfully I managed to catch Captain Fred and did some damage control. So now it is still open to DMTM students, though in limited numbers as there are only six of us going. Just because we are shore-based doesn't mean we can't go and have some fun out at sea, people! I will not let fickle people spoil things for the rest of us, that I am certain of. Hm, it occured to me that I am always the one doing damage control be it among friends, classmates and lecturers or family members. Why can't I be the damage for once? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That will be the day Fatin Rasyidah Bte Mohd Rashiad stops being the damage control person and BE the damage instead! Hm, but then again, I always feel like it is my responsibility to smoothen things out for everyone. Not that it bothers me anyway. I am way used to it by now. But sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like for me to be the one causing everyone else trouble instead, lol! Hm, enough about such childish dreams. I had a pretty good (albeit lazy) day today. I was supposed to take a walk home, ended up on the freaking bus instead. OMG! Lazy pig!!! Hm, I have to definitely go jogging this Friday morning before school. I should probably stop eating so much as well, since I am so not moving at all. I mean come on, the moment I stepped into the house, the only movement I make is when I walk from my room to the master bedroom's toilet for a shower, before walking back to my room when I am done. That cannot constitute as exercise, I think, hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Anyway, I think that should be all today, I've been negative enough in the past few days to actually cover for the rest of the year! So no more negativity coming from me for the rest of the year!!!! (It'll be good if I can last till the end of this week, lol!) And to think that I actually told my friend that I would try to be a little more positive. That goes to show that you shouldn't shoot your mouth off just because your friend said something negative to you!!!! I think that should be all for today... :D

Time: 2045
Date: 26/01/2010

Happy!!!

For some strange reason, I was happy all throughout the second half of today in school. I mean, I don't mind being happy, but I think that there should actually be a reason behind that happiness, lol! Hm, as usual, all emotions (negative or otherwise) fled me the moment I reached home. Home is the place where I am generally devoid of feelings for some strange reason. Whatever problems I have in school will disappear the moment I step into my room, and all my personal (home stuff) problems will disappear the moment I step out of the house. I am that kind of person, though I don't know why. Hm, I think from another point of view, it would be better because it means that I don't mix my problems up. Oh wait, I just remembered why I was so high just now, I had four chicken drumlets during the foreign language class, and they were magnificent! LOL! I don't feel like a noob anymore now that I know the reason to my happiness! Anyway, I am planning to walk home tomorrow, since I finish at half past five and have nothing else on. I want to clear my mind before I start working, and a walk is the best way to do it. Besides, it has been a really long while since I last took a nice walk. I am going to make sure that my bag is as light as it could possibly be tomorrow :D Speaking of taking walks, I have officially signed up for a trial week at a gym. Not that I am undecided about it, I have more or less confirmed that I want to join that particular gym. It is just that with school, its activities and my job, not to mention the upcoming exams, I don't think I am able to find the time. So I made an appointment for the 17th of February, at ten in the morning. I don't have school anymore then, not to mention the following paper will be on the 18th February. After the gym session, I will have better blood circulation, which will result in a more productive revision for my Statistics, lol! But then again, I will start my revision much earlier than just the day before, so there isn't much to worry about, I think. Despite the fact that I have never been to a gym in my life, and do not have a single clue as to how the machinery works and stuff, I am actually looking forward to it. Who knows, I might just be able to get my stamina backand be able to swim thirty laps in one shot once more, and maybe even more. There is nothing wrong for little girls to dream, anyway ;) Anyway, I think that is enough ranting for now, will be back pretty soon for an update.

Time: 2235
Date: 25/01/2010

Tri-lingual

I just realised that everyone (and I mean every single one) in my family can speak three languages. My father speaks English, Malay and Arabic, my mother speaks English, Malay and Hokkien, my sister speaks English, Malay (a little bit) and French, while I speak English, Malay (a little bit) and Korean. It is almost like an obligation to be able to speak more than the standard languages in my family. Hm, at least it makes it more interesting (not that anyone can understand me when I speak Korean, nor my sister when she speaks French). But my sister and I are at least trying to pick up each other's language, so that we can converse more fluently in both French and Korean instead of just either language. I am currently wondering what I should have for beakfast tomorro because I have a feeling that there will not be anything to eat again. Maybe I'll just eat in school in the morning. I can then skip lunch, and have a lunch/ dinner at half past five at FC 6. For some reason, I love FC 6. The food is cheap, and the portion is just right for me. Not to mention eye candy as well, mwuahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I am starting work this coming Wednesday, and nervous as I am, I will look forward to it positively. I think I am going to sleep pretty soon, but then again, I don't really see the need to sleep so early since I will be waking up at half past eight anyway. Sometimes I really wonder why I become the middleman for my Captains as well as my classmates. Everytime there is an upcming event, the same thing happens over and over again. People indicate their interest, confirmed it, and I send it in and the next thing I know, there will be people telling me they want to pull out. And when I tell the Captain that they want to pull out, a couple of days later, the come back to me and tell me to put their name back in. It occurs a few times, this vicious cycle, until the one who ends up looking fickle is me! I have never been fickle in my life, and I don't like looking like a fickle person, neither do I actually like entertaining fickle people. But then again, it is my responsibility to do so, so I am going to just suck it up like a man and do my job with gritted teeth, lol!!!! Anyway, enough complaining for today!!! I am so looking forward to tomorrow (Monday).

Time: 2305
Date: 24/01/2010

I HAVE HOPE!!!!!!!!!

I was checking my email, for the second time today hahahahahahahahaha, and read my daily horoscope. Today's one fill me with a lot of hope, for some strange reason, hahahahahahahhahahaha. Maybe it's because for the first time in a really long while, it is actually applicable to me!!!! Here it is:

Denying your crush won't make it go away, no matter how much you want it to.
Admit that you are attracted to this person. It doesn't mean you have to act on it.
Before you know it, the feeling will pass.

Yes! hat is exactly what I have been hoping for!!! The feeling to pass!!! Woohoo!!! LOL! Hm, I think I am making something really negative sound positive, but really, the person is not someone I am supposed to have a crush on, especially when I do not want to lose my friendship (or rather acquaintance, because I am not that close to him or anyone for that matter, lol) that I have with him. I was also feeling rather peaceful for most of today (reason being I was alone on long bus rides all over Singapore, hahahahahahahaha!) and even bought chocolate fondant. As usual, I bought two, as my dad is a diabetic and I don't encourage him to eat too much sugary stuff, and my mother doesn't eat these kind of things, leaving me and my sister. I always end up being nice to my sister despite the fact that she is really bitcy towards me. Hell, my parents and sister treat a stray cat better than they do me. I mean, my mother can buy special cat food so that the cat won't hurt its teeth, but she can't seem to cook a simple dish for me to eat after a long and tiring day at school. Not that I mind though, I am trying out something new. I am going to live my life, and leave them out of it as much as possible, and they can do the same. This way it saves everyone from heartache!! Hehehe, am I a genius or what? But then again, I can't seem to turn my bck on my responsibilities, so this was more of a daydream than anything else. But if anything, I don't mind shouldering my responsibilities, it's who I am, hahahahahahahahaha. Anyway, off to enjoy my love affair ;)

Time: 2135
Date: 23/01/2010

In school...

Blogging in school but this time with my own laptop. I think it has been one year since I last brought my laptop out of my house, lol! I don't really like bringing my laptop to school because I tend to acted by it, especially when I need to use the laptop in class. I ended up chatting while doing my research. Thankfully I managed to get about three quarters of it done within ten minutes, otherwise I will swear off bringing my laptop to school again! Hm, I think I shall continue with this later when I get home...

Time: 1740
Date: 22/01/2010

Starting a new job

Hm, I guess in a way, it is not really a new job, because I've been a relief teacher before. But I've never actually had a whole class to my own, as in, I am the actual teacher for that lesson, and not just the relief. It is something new, and though I am a little worried that I might end up teaching the kids the wrong thing (me and my friends agree that not only that I am abnormal, I tend to be a little stupid at times) and that would be a total no-no. But then again, I am so looking forward to this. I mean come on, where and when else can I get the experience of being a teacher??? But then again, I have to reconfirm the sailing dates, so that I can arrange for a relief to take over me for a couple of days or so. Hopefully only one day, because it might reflect badly on me, since I did say that I am able to make it every single Wednesday. I kind of like working for the MOE, because it means that I have CPF!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I think I am the only kid who actually thinks about all these kind of things. But then again, you might never know what will happen in the future. I've divided my money already, so no matter what happens my "assets" are taken care of, lol! Hm, speaking of something happening, I really wonder how other people can die from overdosage. I think it is more or less impossible. But negative matters aside, I am going to watch a movie tomorrow!!! With my friends!!!! And I don't have to worry about my dad scolding me when I reach home late because he won't be home either!!!! Wow, what a good day today has been. But I am not too sure about tomorrow though, because even though I am looking forward to the outing, I have a feeling that I might get let out in conversation. As an abnormality of nature, I have few things in common with the rest of the people out there. I can try, but there is only so much I can think of before I revert back to my 'freak of nature' way of thinking again, lol! But hey, I love the way I think, which is why I think that way (does this make any sense?)! What the hell, I don't even know what I mean most of the time, so who cares anyway, hahahahahahhahahahahahaha :D

Time: 2215
Date: 21/01/2010

Retest :)

For the first time in my whole life, I actually had to sit for a retest. Not that I mind though, but when I heard that the maximum marks I can possibly get from the retest is 38 (just so that I passed the whole thing overall) I got kinda irritated. I stayed back for two whole days till late just to revise, not to mention the fact that I made a friend stay back really late with me just so that he could teach me (and on Friday he ended a whole five hours earlier I did and yet he waited for me!) makes the whole thing unfair, I think. It is more unfair for him, in a sense. But on a better note... I don't know what is better, lol! I thought I could reach home before seven today, since I will be reaching home only at nine or after four out of five days this week. But I ended up reaching home at half past nine today when I had to go out for dinner with the rest of the family becausemy dad wanted to meet his friend for dinner. Damn, it is going to be quite a long week, but then again, I don't think I will mind it as much. At least I confirm will have my Sunday to rest :) young people shouldn't rest too much when we can do something useful anyway! Going to school about an hour early as usual for tomorrow, but I am not sure if I am going to meet Lou for lunch or not. I smsed him this afternoon, yet till now I have yet to receive a reply from him. If by tomorrow at half past nine I don't receive his reply, I am going to go ahead and have a brunch instead. I don't really like eating during the lunch hour, the queues are like, uber long, and everywhere is packed. But then again, I generally don't eat lunch, even if I had nothing in the morning. Hm, skipping meals is ot a very good habit to have, which is why I am eating brunch (I've been nagged at too much by my 'stepmother'). It may not sound very nice right now, but I am definitely looking forward to the weekend when I don't have to set four alarms just so that I can wake up in time to get to school twenty minutes before lessons start. Overall today was pretty good :D

Time: 2215
Date: 20/01/2010

Study Session

Haiz, poor Ernie had to put up with an uber cranky and pissed off me just now when he was trying to teach me statistics for tomorrow's test. Damn, I thought I had learned to control my temper better by now. To think that a stupid module like that can set it off effortlessly. Sorry Ernie (and most probably ZH too)!!! I really wonder what my friends see in me, because my temper can sometimes be worse than my dad's, and that is saying something. But then again, I am as loyal as Leos are known for, and wise as well (*winks*) hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha. Actually I am just kidding. I don't think I am wise, if I am I wouldn't do a lot of things. But then again, being unwise is a more interesting way to live, in my opinion. Otherwise how am I supposed to learn if i don't make any mistakes at all?! Besides, I am not my sister, I think she is such a perfectionist, even her character is perfect! Well, maybe not towards me, because I have such a talent when it comes to my sister(only I am able to bing out the worse in her effortlessly). Wanted to eat at Mac's but it was closed! OMG!!!! But then again, I just ate that last week on Friday, when I had a study session with Ernie. God, he's such a genius. But he is actually quite a nice dude, very cute and extremely likeable. He gets away with anything (with me anyway, lol) I think mainly because if you really think about it, he doesn't really mean any harm. I was also informed that I have been selected for the ten day sailing trip despite the fact that there was supposed to be an interview before the final selection was made, and I have yet to even go for the interview, let alone be shortlisted. But hey, who am I to complain? I worked my ass off for the school on a couple of occassions, I think I deserved to be considered for this trip seriously at the very least :D Hm, I think I should be going to sleep now, because I have another early class and yet another very long day tomorrow...

Time: 2305
Date: 19/01/2010

Korean Class...

Hm, for some strange reason beyond my understanding, Christabelle was laughing at me all throughout the two hours that we were in the foreig language class. But she reminded me of how I used to be like, amazingly enough. I once was able to make people laugh just by a look, but that was quite some time back now. But then again, I wasn't exactly trying to make anyone laigh either just now. Even the four dudes sitting behind us were laughing along! Haiz, does this mean my joker days are back? I should be happy! But then again, whenever I make people laugh, they tend to take me lightly, and that even the serious matters turn into a joke. That cannot be good can it? I mean, what if I suddenly say that there is an emergency? They might think that I am joking as well! But on the whole today, I had a great time. Christabelle's laughter, fortunately for me, was not catching so I wasn't an idiot, laughing at myself! But I did wish that she did not point out that weirdo I have a mild dislike for. I mean come on, he's like nineteen going on to twenty, and he still sounds as though his voice has yet to break. Not to mention the fact that I think he and his fellow guy friend is a little bit sissy-like. But then again, who am I to judge? I mean, they may look and sound like sissies, but then again I am not exactly very lady-like either!!! Anyway, there is a plan to go watch movies this Friday, and I hope that they don't cancel it. I have been wanting to watch a movie for so long now but I just can't seem to find the right time! Anyway, time to go for now, ciao!

Time: 2215
Date: 18/01/2010

I walked away, again!

It is not the first time I walked away before a full friendship can be developed. In fact, I just did it again twenty minutes ago. I always walk away before things become too serious and I end up bonding with the other person/ people. I can't help it, it is a defense mechanism I have, lol! I don't really know what brought that about... maybe I am naturally a very distant person. I walked away before I get hooked... I am so sorry for turning my back on you, H. But like you said, I no longer owe you anything, so I can leave with a peaceful mind :D Besides, we have always been opposite people anyway, there was no point in the friendship if we are just going to end up arguing on every single thing, no matter how entertaining that made our acquaintance. I have a lot of that, I realise... the acquaintances. And I like to keep things that way... haiz, reading diaries from 3-5 years ago is a major mistake... those were my angsty years, lol! Thank god I feel much... number(??) now. It's better to feel numb than angry. At least you can get rid of the numbness for short periods of time, but anger is like and overriding program or something, hahahahahahaha! Time to let go of the past... but not before one last quick read, for old times' sake ;)

Time: 2315
Date: 17/01/2010

Ignore me once, shame on you. Ignore me twice, shame on ME

I said that in one of the diaries I wrote while I was in secondary school. Since I have nothing to do, I reached up to the storage compartment at my study table and found one of my diaries. It was written in year 2007, so most of the writing was remotely legible, lol! Hm, I didn't realise how... hollow... I was back three years ago. those entries I read, they revolved around me feeling empty, hahahahahahaha! I am different now, though only slightly. At least I actually have times I enjoy now, which is a tremendous improvement. Hm... following are the most common phrases I found written in my diaries (when there was no such thing as blogging, lol!!!!)

1) My mother is such a hypocrite...
2) I am beginning to enjoy my solitude more and more...
3) I am not a fool who cannot see how I am being treated...
4) I am giving her one more chance, if she blows this one, I am copletely giving up on her...

The fourth one, of course, is only a thought which was never carried out. LOL! My sense of responsibilities will never allow me to turn my back on anyone, even for the briefest moment. I also found a verse from a Linkin Park song, for some strange reason, but somehow, I can connect to it, even now. But then again, I can connect to all the songs in Linkin Park's Meteora. Those were the angst filled days. They are long gone now, nothing I feel now contains even a fraction of the strong hatred and passionate anger I felt back then. Which only proves that I was right when I tell people that being angry is pointless because it only uses up energy...

Breaking the habit:

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
Cause inside I realise that I am the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking my habit tonight...

Easier to Run:

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I could take all my shame to the grave I would


These two will always be my favorite songs all time!!! LOL :D

Anyway, I think that should be all for today (for some strange reasong I am in a mood for reminiscing...), going to go and stare at my facebook page, lol!

Time: 2115
Date: 17/01/2010

Studying???

Hm, thanks to a friend of mine, studying could never be more fun (I think), lol! Who knew that stats can actually be so... funny??? He sat there, reading my notes and trying to study while I try to locate delta and y circuits (??) that he simply scribbled out on a piece of paper. Those brought back memories (I am not sure whether they are pleasant or not though) from my primary school days, which I spent reading science guides as well as encyclopedias. I am not so sure why I loved those back then, but the novels and other story books didn't really hold my attention, unless it was mystery/ thriller. Yes, I was such a pathetic kid. But hey, I have got a mean streak in me which I have yet to get rid off, lol! No thanks to my best friend, who was quite a fighter with a broom. Wow, I think I kind of miss those days when I spent recess wrestling guys, broom-fighting with my (male) best friend. I don't fight with girls, they can't fight even to save their lives. I mean, who can stand all the slapping of hands and scratching??? Even cats fight better than that I think. Sissies!! Hm, back to the study session... having fun studying with that friend of mine gave me the idea of 'kidnapping' him closer to my exams, I mean, just for a couple of days just for stats. I am not going to care whether he knows or not what I will be studying. I just find that revising with him is a lot more productive as compared to studying alone, since studying alone will make me feel bored and sleepy (which results in nothing entering my brain at all). I guess that is all for now, I have to go and shower, LOL!!!

Time: 2205
Date: 15/01/2010

Another cause for celebration!!!!

Today I got myself a new pair of grandparents, lol! All in the name of having fun :D Both dudes (yes, even my halmoni is a guy :D) are from my Korean class, and we kinda like... fooled around a little bit more today as compared to the usual. Hm, I think I've been high for a whole day, and finally showing some signs of coming back down, hahahahahahahaha! Thought about HIM for a little bit today, but forced it out and concentrated one Cute Braces Dude instead. I just realised that I made the braces sound cute instead of the person, lol! But on the whole, today was a damn good day! Hm, I think time to wind down a little though, otherwise I may not be able to get a decent night's sleep. I have a CRS essay test tomorrow, something that I am confident I am able to pass because I have done all the research and planning yesterday. All is left is to develop those points that I have written out into proper, structured sentences. Good ol' Ernie has agreed to stay back late (like really late, since he ends at twelve tomorrow!!!) to help me with my stats. I have a retest for the theory part of that module next Wednesday. Hm, usually my theory is the one that helps pull my poor practical marks. But surprisingly this time it is the other way around. LOL! New year= new results???? Anyway, I guess that is all for now... time to wind down!!!

Time: 2220
Date: 14/01/2010

Cute Guys :D

I didn't realise just how many cute guys there were in Singapore Poly until I spoke to one just now without actually realising that he is indeed one of out students, let alone a year two student. OMG, he is damn cute, and he wears braces, not that I mind, because I used to wear them too. But he is a little on the short side though. And there might be a danger of him actually being younger than me. Even a few months is a nono for me, for some strange reason I will start feeling like those cougar women, praying on young men, hahahahahahahahaha! But who in the world am I kidding??? I still have a crush on that guy, omg! I tried to distance myself, tried to forget about it, tried to get over it, to no avail. Haiz, God, please don't tell me I'll be stuck on this one the way I was with the previous one!!!! I'll be wasting my youth if I keep getting such crushes! Ooh, moving on, crush or no crush that cute guy was way damn cute just now! LOL! He was cute enough to get my mind off HIM for a couple of moments, at least during the time I was talking to him and his friend, who happened to be one of my classmate's cousin. Ah, I think from now on I shall have more hope... can daydream about cute (albeit short) guys :D Apart from that, I have been feeling strangely high all day. Might be due to the lack of sleep and fatigue. It's not the first time I was hyper due to fatigue, anyway. Gotten used to this already, ahahahahahaha. Anyway, time to go for now, Ciao!

Time: 2210
Date: 13/01/2010

The energizer bunny going into overdrive!!

I seriously think something is wired wrongly up in my head, lol! Whenever I get tired, I start to think about things I normally would not think about, like my relationships with my friends, that is if I have any at all. I just found out just how pessimistic I am, well, according to one of my friends anyway. Is it really that bad, to want to protect yourself? I trusted people before, people I thought would never betray me, and I was wrong. I mean, if family members can betray each other, let alone strangers, who have no blood relation or bond whatsoever. I don't bond, and that makes my mother really depressed, and my sister worried for some strange reason. I won't mention why here, though I don't think anyone reads my blog anyway. I have always been a lone wolf, and I think, will always be one... right now I am kind of stuck with a group of people. Actually I am not really stuck with them, but rather, I am stuck because of them. They are nice to me, protective, sometimes sweet... making me laugh and smile, etc... and I can't help but start feeling rather defensive. I am starting to second guess the reasons why they are being so nice to me. I've been taught the hard way, always second guess people's motives for being nice. I took things for granted once, and when the blows came, I more or less fell apart. Thank god I was younger then, which meant I learnt pretty early on.

Three lessons I learnt:

1) Never reach out to somebody else, especially when I am in trouble.
2) Never depend on anyone else but myself.
3) Never trust someone with my heart.

I learned all of the above in primary and lower secondary. It's amazing to me even now, how I managed to get through that period. I may have forgiven the people in question, but I am the type who never lets go. Because if I do, everything might unravel itself, and I'll fall apart once more. I moved on with more anger than I did with purpose, but it has served me well, that anger. It kept me safe and protected all along...

But on a more cheerful note, I think I have a pretty good chance to go sailing this March! Let's hope I can pick the slot, because the second slot would suit me better, no thanks to my job. If I take the second slot, I would only have to get a replacement teacher for a week. Otherwise I would have to get a replacement teacher for two weeks, and I don't think it would reflect well on me because I did commit ten whole weeks to teach those secondary school students. Hm, if I get to go, I'm going to do a lot of shopping, maybe buy some things from Disneyland as well (that is if we have time to go shopping)! It's going to be yet another busy week for me, but I am looking forward to it! I am SMA's energizer bunny, lol. I certainly will not give in to fatigue (as though I have done so before, lol)! Shida hwaiting! Hahahahahahaha

Time: 2310
Date: 11/01/2010

SP Openhouse 2010

Hm, I managed to survive three days of duty. Not that I was down for duty in the first place, I was only supposed to be on duty from 1300-1500 & 1600-1800 on Saturday today). But the simulator was seriously shorthanded, so there I was, from 0930-1800 for the first two days of the openhouse. I spent all three days running around, but it was kind of fun, so no complains here, lol! Hm, following are the highlights from my three days on duty:

Day One:
A damn busy day for me. The simulator was severely shorthanded. I arrived shorty before 0950, and the few that were on duty arrived only after me, even though the thing was supposed to start at ten in the morning. Not to mention that the lecturer in charge left me in charge before rushing off because he was supposed to be in three places at once, and there are no other lecturers available. So I quickly assigned duties while Elaine called up Captain James, and someone else called Captain Frederick. Spent the rest of the day shuttling between ushering duties as well as the briefing in the Engine Room. Went home tired but somehow satisfied.

Day Two:
Was scared almost shitless when a group of secondary school girls asked to take my picture, on the basis that I was 'cute'. When I refused and ran back into the simulator to escape, they actually chased after me!!! Thankfully, a bus chose to appear just then, and I lied to them, saying that if they miss this bus, the next bus would only come in half an hour's time. Thankfully I learned how to lie from my mother and sister, though I feel guilty about that, lol! Hm, I am sure I was not so back when I was their age. But the best part of the day was that I got a cap, albeit a really ugly one, from SMA.

Day Three:
I think that today was the best day in all of the three days. I had Zack to partner me for my first shift, and I think we did pretty okay :D Then I had a one hour break which I spent most of in the simulator (where else, hahahaha) before dragging poor Ernie to be my partner. Benjamin joined us, and in the end, Ernie just sat down while Ben and I helped each other out with the guiding. Thank Ben!! LOL! Hm, I think we make a pretty good pair of guides :D hahahahahahaha. The best part of the day: Ernie forgot his biology lessons from secondary school, leading to hilarious results!!!! HE MIXED RETINA AND RECTUM UP! OMG, I was laughing my ass off right now even as I think about it again! I think he is the only person I know who has his rectum in his head instead of his lower torso. I would really like to know how he does his big business, and from which part of his face it came out off. Sorry Erie, just kidding ;) But I can't really help it, he is too hilarious for words! I think such cuteness should be illegal! Thanks Ern, for brightening up my shift for me :D

I guess that should be all for now, I want to go and play a couple of rounds of Bejeweled Blitz on facebook...

Time: 2130
Date: 09/01/2010

Distant

I've been told repeatedly that I am too distant. My sister says that, My mom says that, my friends and seniors say that to me. Everyone expects me to pour out every single one of my problems just because they told me theirs, lol! But the thing is, despite being really talkative, when it comes to matters that bother me, they remain mine. I absolutely refuse to tell anyone else. The things I tell to a select few is something not exclusive. You ask me, you'll get the details. It will be here in this blog as well, hahahaha. I am not the type to lean on others, so I am sorry H, I won't tell you anything no matter how many times you ask me. But ultimately, I am not the type to share when it comes to problems. If it is mine, it stays mine. There is no way I will learn how to lean on others when other people are relying on me to support them. I will not show such weakness, lol! I saw someone just now, and I remembered someone I have tried hard to forget. Not to mention just now my mother got slightly bothered when I called home, and sounded exactly like my older brother. Even after I reached home, I still sounded like him. But the thing is, I have always sounded like this, so why was she bothered? But then, looking back, she was always bothered when I sound like Yan. Damn, I have no idea what to say to that. I am who I am, I sound like me. It's purely coincidental, she is reading way too much into this matter. My poor naive mother told me that she read about hypnosis in the malay paper some time back, and told me that she wanted to send me for it. She really wants to know why my unhappiness seems so deep-rooted. LOL! I think when she finds out, she'll be wishing that she had not known instead... hahahahahaha. On the whole, today is quite a good day, even with my mother spouting nonsense straight to my face :D

Time: 2110
Date: 08/01/2010

Busted Back

Damn, this should not be happening to me! My back went bad on me in the middle of a dam busy week! I don't have the luxury of time to take a proper rest! Neither do I actually have enough time to go to the doctor's for a painkilling jab either! Why must this happen to me?! But on the whole, apart from being as stiff as a board, my mood couldn't be any better actually. Had a great time goodie-bag packing, thanks to ZH, Zack, Zack (the malay dude), and not forgetting, Ernie. Ernie is a true joy to work with, in fact they all are. They made such laborious job seem so much fun!! Even though I wouldn't be so stiff if I had not done the job in the first place. Even getting out of jeans was such a torture! For the first time in my life, I actually dislike jeans, lol! But enough whining for now, I just have to focus on just how much fun I had thanks to the guys. Seriously, I owe them big time!!!

P.S.: How in the world can I kill a cockroach when I am too afraid to be within ten meters of that prehistoric monster?!

Time: 2205
Date: 06/01/2010

Packed Schedule...

By four in the afternoon just now, I just more or less confirmed that I no longer have a free weekday until the school holidays begin on the 13th February. There goes my Wednesdays, LOL! For some strange reason, that cheers me up. I guess not having free time simply means that I don't have to think much about anything else apart from work and school. The only thing that brings down my mood by a minute fraction is the fact that I have to start revision latest by next week, which is a little ridiculous considering next week is only the second week of school. But then again, excluding this week I only have four more weeks till my SE. Oh well, time to suck it up, and move on like a real man. I guess enough complaining for now, hahahahahahaha!

Time: 2030
Date: 05/01/2010

Blogging in school... haiz

Damn, it was bloody hard to get up at half past six this morning!!!! Ended up waking up at ten to seven instead, and barely made it in time for lessons, lol. But then again, the lecturer is starting late, for some reason. He has yet to start in fact. He's still drawing cute little boats on the whiteboard, looking more like sampans instead of the vessel I am sure they are supposed to be, lol! Hm, I seem to be in a better mood today. I hoped the class would end a little early so that I would have time to eat a late brekkie and skip lunch, but all hopes have evaporated now as I watch the lecturer label his little sampans :) Anyway, I think I should end here for now, just in case he feels like starting.

Time: 0825
Date: 05/01/2010

Endless problems...

Haiz, I think I shall stop trying to change my blogskin after all. It is nice and simple, so I shall stick to it for now. I've got two major (to me anyway) problems right now, the first being money. How can I ask someone who owes me money to return it without feeling guilty? I know fifteen dollars is not such a big amount, but that amount can get me through three days of school. But in the first place, why am I feeling guilty? I guess I just don't like hounding people for money, of all things. I can hound them for the other stuff, but never money. Two months to pay fifteen dollars... I guess it is indeed a bit too long a period. But that issue aside, I think there is one other problem bugging me this very moment. HOW IN THE BLOODY WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME?! Damn, I really hate my schedule right now. I think in about two weeks' time, I'll be busy all fve days during the weekday, since I took on a teaching job. But that is not the main problem, this Wednesday is!!! How can I be at a compulsory dry run AND a make-up class at the same time?! Make up class is from 1530-1730, and the dry run is from 1500-1800. Haiz, this time it is very hard to pick because I only have exactly one month left before my exams. Four weeks is hardly enough to learn new things and do revision, not to mention the fact that I have got more than a couple of very heavy subjects to study for. But those problems aside, I got myself an SP Hoodie! Yay me!!! It is damn comfortable, not to mention that the quality is actually not bad, considering the price. Quite a few of my friends liked it when they saw it, and one of them is definitely going to buy it soon, lol! Ah, to think that I only just got home twenty minutes ago...

Time: 2120
Date: 04/01/2010

Gosh, how is it possible that I am still so moody despite walking home from dover? This was the route I took: Dover MRT > Clementi > Toh Tuck > Bukit Batok East > Home. It was supposed to be a walk long enough to take my mind off things, but still when I reached home, the moodiness was still there. I can't function normally, acting like a noob when I nearly got off at the wrong station. Meeting friends didn't even help. Damn, I think I am getting way too old when all I feel is moody. No more frustration, no more anger, no more tears... just moodiness. Is this what they call mellowing with age? But if I push my moodiness aside, today was actually quite nice. Thanks guys, so much, for putting up with me. LOL, if I were my friends, I would have stopped contacting me long ago. This has been a very bad start for the year for me. Let's just hope it gets better as the time goes by, I am not sure how long I can stand being tHis moody... hm, I guess that should be all for today, I have nothing much I want/ need to say anyway...

Time: 1945
Date: 03/01/2010

Haiz, I tried to change the blogskin for my new blog, and failed miserably. I am going to have to approach a friend for this, hahahahaha. Anyway, I was just rotting around, and something suddenly crossed my mind (what's left of it anyway). It's been more than a month now, that I have a crush on him. I want to get rid of this feeling, I don't like it. I always 'fall for' guys that I should be keeping away from. Not to mention the fact that my previous crush lasted for more than fifteen months. It was pure torture, you know, to be a confidante of your crush and have him tell you of his feelings for other girls. But I somehow managed to live through that, only to almost have it repeating again, but this time with another guy. The only thing that is not that bad about this crush is that he does not tell me about his feelings/ relationships with other girls. I really should move on, I guess. I certainly don't want a repeat of the previous case. I was hurt, though I know it is my own fault I can't help my feelings. That's why I don't like crushes and stuff, you'll just end up hurt. But then again, if it was easy, they won't call it a crush, would they? LOL! Hm, I should think that is all for today, so this entry is rather random, lol. I have a feeling that this year's blog will be very random. But then again, those who know me better will realise long time ago that I am indeed a very random person. It makes life more fun anyway, lol...

Time: 0305
Date: 02/01/2010